You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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