check it out our google latitudes are spooning
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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