Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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