smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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