I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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