you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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