Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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