Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
