This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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