I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
as a side note pls kill me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
