what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
