dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
