i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
