Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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