is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
