The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
