Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
