I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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