Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
