I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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