I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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