Jerry, you need to find god
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
