Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
