So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
