My room smells like vodka and shame
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
