Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
