he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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