Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
