I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
