Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
