There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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