So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
