The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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