Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You pole danced in your parka.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
