so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pooping to opera.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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