if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
