But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
