i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
