I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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