A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Do plants get herpes?
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