So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
