Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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