i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
