I feel great
I just peed on a car
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
