A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
