Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
