so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
