And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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