You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
