Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I believe in your delicious
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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