the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
zippers are such a cool invention
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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