Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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