i would punch a child for taco bell
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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