Betty ford says i'm here all night
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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